Its been a funny old week. I caught up with Mark in the Tudor over a game of table football, then watched him down sambuca shots on a weeknight! He really is becoming Wigan's answer the Amy Winehouse, that wildchild. Just minus all the crack and yellow teeth, obviousley. I saw Emilie too on Friday night and we had a much needed chat and a nice time. I won't see Em sometimes for about 2 months, then suddenly she just springs out of nowhere like she's never been away! Which is handy if someone if going to be your best mate!

Then of course at the weekend it was time for me and Tom to wake up and go on another daytrip like an old pensioner couple! We decided to take Poppy to Southport where we got covered in chips and gravy, had an icecream at the beach and then built a gigantic sand cock. It was a lovely day!

I think Poppy enjoyed herself too. Seeing as I got payed during the week, I treated her to a new lead in the hope that I could win her over and be accepted into the family. And also because Tom forgot to bring her other one and had to carry her around Southport haha.

Next weekend I think we'll pack some tuna sandwhiches and go to Morcambe. But we'll have to be back home before Heartbeat comes on.

I don't know what to do which myself for the rest of this week! Now that I've been payed I don't actually want to spend my money. It looks dead nice on a bank statement! But lets all go to the Tudor anyway for a gay old time.

xxx

OMMM THATS RUDE!

I heard the best ever news today that they have brought back the retro Monster Munch. You know the ones that were dead big and crunchy and would take hours to eat when you were three, back in the days when it was ok to feed your toddler big fatty crisps that were high in saturated fat. Yay! You don't give a toss about Monster Munch, but the new retro packets brought back loads of memories and reminded me about the 90's! I once remember being naked in my front garden choking on a burger flavoured Monster Munch, happy times!

My first ever memory is being bathed in the sink. Thinking that maybe I was brought up in poverty, I asked my Mum why she used to wash me in a sink and she told me it was because I was a newborn baby and far too small to go in the bath in case I decided to drown myself. So that memory goes far back! I was looking at the sink not long ago and wishing my arse could still fit in it actually.

Then my memory suddenly jumps to me and my sister jumping on the bed pretending we were Ant and Dec singing "Let's Get Ready To Rumble." 90's pop music was amazing. And I'm talking about the times before them slaggy Spice Girls rolled up. Mr Blobby could get a Christmas number 1 in the charts and I remember once seeing a cartoon woman's tits on the inside sleeve of my brother's Guns 'n' Roses album and thinking "OMMM THATS RUDE!"

Another amazing thing about growing up was Mcdonalds. I don't know about you, but it used to be exciting to go there when you were tiny. Maybe I was a sad child! It was a tense moment when I'd open my Happy Meal, because if I got the same plastic piece of shit I'd already collected, I'd throw a huge tantrum and send my poor Mum back to the till to swap my toy for another plastic piece of shit! These days I do it more discretely and blame it on my non-existent little cousin! hah!

I was a tantrumer as a child. My first day of nursery ended in tears because everyone had dead nice pictures on their cloak pegs to help them remember where to hang their coat. Everyone else has pretty butterflies, flowers and cute dogs. But what did I get? A picture of a FUCKING ORANGE. A peice of fruit! I also think this was a secret gingerist ploy by the teacher. So naturally I kicked up a fuss until it was swapped with a cute dog. I was kicked out of nursery in the end because of a huge tantrum I threw because I got bollocked for mixing a few paints. They said it was because it was upsetting the other children, but really they eventually just ran out of the biscuits they used to try and shut me up.

Nobody knew what a clitoris was back then, apart from the weird little boy in the class who would eat his own bogies and get his willy out in the cloakroom. The naughtiest word I ever heard was "dildo". I miss being so carefree without any worries! But thats all part of growing up I suppose!

Well, that was all nostalgic and nice wasn't it! Either you completely understand what I've just been saying or you just think I'm a big freak. NANIGHT! xxx

Whatever happened to Little Dave?

Now that I've finally mastered not going into roundabouts at 4th gear on my driving lessons, I've been dragging my dad out every Sunday looking for a car. We've actually been getting on well recently, mainly because I can afford to support myself now and also he just likes test-driving cars.

Its funny, because in the past when I've had any kind of money I've blown it straight away on silly things like dresses! I've saved up and given myself a modest budget for my first car though. But since my Dad has been looking with me, this modest budget has tripled! And I like how he still expects me to insure it on my own! He cares about how the car is going to run, whereas I just care about the seats and if they have a scary triangle pattern on.

Theres not much going on at the moment, apart from when Tom comes round to my house in the week for a bum. And to hide a pretty necklace behind my wardrobe for me to find! That is one of the sweetest things he has ever done for me, along with farting on me in his sleep once!

I think the Friday night crew need a reunion soon, I honestly think Little Dave got molested and kidnapped when he got out of the taxi the last night I saw him. We had fun that night though because we were all skint and just ended up sitting on a kerb in King Street. YAY.

I don't really know where I'm going with this blog and I'm tired.

SO NANIGHT!

xxx