Well would you believe it...

If you look at my high school leavers book, my name would definitely be one of the last to come under the "most likely to become a model" award. Which is why I've been keeping this dirty secret for a while now. Only the people closest to me know about this charade!

A few months ago, I was told about a modelling agency open day. I booked an appointment. I don't know why. I didn't do it because I think so highly of myself. Most people who know me will know that I have zero self esteem and that I think my face looks like a melted pie. I simply did it because I'm a person who acts on impulse. I don't think things through or consider what would happen if I actually went.

So I didn't turn up to my appointment. Part of it was because of my confidence and the other part was because to be honest, I was worried that people would look at me and wonder why I ever thought I could become a model.

Everything carried on just fine after that, in fact I forgot all about it. Until a lady rang me back asking why I didn't turn up. She'd seen some of my Myspace pictures I'd sent - how very 21st century! - and told me that I should really re-book an appointment. So once again, I acted on impulse.

It was my Mum who made me go. But I still believed there was a massive difference between your Mum telling you that you look nice compared to a bossy little gay queen who runs an agency telling you that your legs are too wobbly.

SO, to cut a long story short - I gulped down a load of wine and Tom was all supportive and trekked me all the way to Manchester.

When I got there, I died. It was honestly like being in an episode of The Hills. Everyone had Chanel bags and accents. And everyone was STUNNING. It was like being thrown into a massive white-washed superficial room. There was a really pushy parent there to, forcing her chubby little girl to do all the right poses.

At this point I was really really worked up. Poor Tom had to sit next to me whilst I went through a mix of emotions including embarrassment, shyness and even a bit of jealousy. I kept telling myself that the girls behind the desk were sniggering and thinking "surely SHE isn't here to audition."

I filled in a form telling them how small my tits and feet where and then got told that only the smallest percentage of girls were going to be picked, so don't be all upset.

My name got called up, a friendly lady took 3 pictures of me and I scuttled out full of relief. Then I went home and Tom made me loads of chips and fish fingers and once again I forgot all about it!

And for the past 3 weeks, it hasn't crossed my mind. Until I got a letter telling me to ring a man called Howard.

So I rang Howard who seemed like a nice little gay chap from the Liverpool office and he told me that they want me on their books. They actually want my face on their website. LOL.

At first my Dad went into serious mode and told me that I was just going to get ripped off. Howard had a nice chat and explained the small print of my contract, and the only time they take any money from me is the 20% they take from any earnings I make from the work they find me. And then he heard some of names who'll I'll be going to castings with and shut up!

I don't know why and I don't know how. But next weekend I'm off to a photo shoot to have my portfolio made up - where I'll probably have to drink more wine and be even more nervous.

I'm doing this for the experience. I haven't built my hopes up and got some deluded aspirations to become the next Kate Moss, I'll just take it all as it comes and whatever happens will happen. Even if I get the chance to just have my hair and make-up done, its a day out!

I'm excited and nervous and worried.

And now I'm off to the gym with my personel trainer and to go and throw up my lunch...!



xxx