1. Lily Allen
I used to like our Lily when she actually made good music as apposed to rolling out of clubs with her burger nips out and punching French girls. For such a headstrong, opinionated bitch who is forever banging on about how the tabloids create such a negative image of her, you'd think she'd just learn when to shut up.
When she announced she was pregnant she tried to create a possitive imagine for herself, wanting to appear as a role model for young people, probably to hide the fact that she'd just got up the duff with a man she'd known for two months:
Lily is desperate to give up smoking announcing she was pregnant last month.
A spokesperson for Lily’s said: “She wants to crack this. She realises it will be a struggle but her baby is more important.
“Lily is aware that she is a role model and wants to portray a positive image of herself for young people to look up to.”
However, since tragically suffering a miscarriage she's now quoted as saying:
The star, who tried ecstasy at 14, said: “I won’t say I’m never going to do drugs again. I just know I’m not a good person on drugs.”
What an amazing Mum you would have been! It just goes to show that these kind of people don't actually give a fuck about being good role models, which is fair enough - they never asked to be role models in the first place, just don't try and pretend in the first place! Thankyou!
2. Drunk Lad in Jumpin' Jaks
Whoever you are, you caused so much upset lastnight with your sex pest hands, I really hope you ended up pulling a lovely girl. And when you woke up next to her this morning you realised that she was actually called Ken and had far more morning wood than you. And aids. Twaaaat!
3. Nathan Croucher
Stop coming out pretending you have eplilepsy and that it's "ok to cheat on my girlfriend with a big fat slag, she'll never know." I'll tell her. Boys like you should have their balls chopped off, like they do to randy dogs.
4. Mr Joe
I thought I was being dead clever ordering a large chips, but once again I was proven so wrong when Tom was sat there with an orgasmic 12" pizza and I was left with a shitload of your soggy greasy chips with black bits in.
5. Stew
For reading my blog off his own back, then saying I lead a sad life. I don't document every single event of my life on here - I just wouldn't be able to find the space to mention all the crew from my evening flower arranging class and I've still not had chance to upload those pictures of my most recent knitting pattern projects, I'm afraid. Sorry i'm not out getting people pregnant or whatever you cool kids do these days!
6. Me
I've annoyed myself this week. I'd probably do almost everything differently. Apart from my job inerview, that went well! But yeah, I'll take this as an opperunity to apologise if you've found me annoying at any point or if I've "DONE YER HEAD IN". Maybe you havn't even noticed and just don't care! It's only aimed at one person anyway haha! And I love you sooo much!
xxx
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