A realistic Agony Aunt...

When I was younger, I'd read the problem pages in teen magazines and think "OH MY GOD, I can sooooo totally relate to that! I'm going to take this ladies advice and go and live my life now!" You know the type of thing I'm talking about. Young girls who seek advice about their small tits or heavy periods from some fabricated, friendly looking lady called June - who is really a 56 year old editor called Bernard.

But reading back at them now is so hilarious! The answers are so patronising and politically correct. For example, a 15 year old girl wants to commit and have sex with her boyfriend. She's given the advice that such a thing is illegal and those kind of urges will send you straight to hell! Wouldn't our country's high teenage pregnancy rate be lowered if she was just told to make sure they use a condom? Lets face it, it's going to happen anyway. And probably on a park bench with nothing but a Walkers crisp packet for protection.

But I'll give June some credit. Some of the questions that get asked are equally hilarious. Here are a few examples...


Asked by: Kelly
help! ive never had a boyfriend before, and I want one before the end of year 7! Thats only 9 days away! any tips?

OMG YOUR IN YEAR 7 AND DONT HAVE A BOYFRIEND YET?! I bet most of your friends have already lost their virginity - what is wrong you freak?! If you ever expect to have any kind relationship in your lifetime now, your only solution is rape.


Asked by: Amy
hi, i was just recently fingering myself and now my vagina hurts.....what does this mean?

This is God's way of telling you that you WILL die and go straight to hell for your evil sins!

Asked by: Katie
hi im 13 and the fattiest in my class im 9stone already so i tried to loose weight by exersising more and cutting down on ice lollies. i talked to my parents about it and my mum did it with me and cooked healthier meals but iv lost no weight at all if anything iv put it on why is this?

Well, firstly you should ask yourself if all those ice lollies that you've cut out were the real culprit in your obesity. Chasing the ice cream van down the street isn't really a significant amount of exercise to burn away your thunder thighs, is it? Maybe you should also consider cutting out all those pies you keep cramming into yer gob!

Asked by: Sarah
ok. a couple of questions! i go down on my bf, bt the only thing im worried about is wen he comes into my mouth, nd im worried that if i swallow a bit , i mite get pregnant? also my bf fingered me nd i sort of needed the toilet but wasnt that desperate to go ,neway , wen he took his fingers out they were wet, i dont think it was urine coz i wud of known if i was about to pee, but i was sexually excited wen he was doing it to ,so does that mean tht the clear liquid was come?

This just left me speechless! Listen love, your clearly not at the stage of sexual maturity if you think that's how babies are made, what are you doing?! And you felt like you needed the toilet because you were on the brink of a massive orgasm and now you are also going straight to hell!

These are all genuine by the way, which worries me the most!

xxx